How to Help With Homework Without Doing It for Them
Act as a coach, not a co-author. Help your child understand the task, ask questions that point towards the next step, show a similar example rather than solving their actual question, and let their answer stand even if it's wrong. If they're truly stuck, write a short note to the teacher. Your job is to keep your child thinking, not to produce a perfect page.
Why doing it for them backfires
Homework tells the teacher what a child can do on their own. When an adult fills in the gaps, the teacher can't see what needs reteaching, and the child misses the practice the homework was designed to give. It also teaches a quiet lesson: when it gets hard, wait for someone to rescue you. A page with a few honest mistakes is far more useful than a perfect one your child couldn't repeat in class.
Use a hint ladder
Start with the smallest possible help and climb only as far as you need. Most of the time, the first two or three steps are enough.
| Step | What you do | Example |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Ask them to explain the task | “Tell me in your own words what you need to do.” |
| 2 | Point to a resource | “Is there an example in your book or notes?” |
| 3 | Ask a guiding question | “What do you already know that might help?” |
| 4 | Show a similar example | Solve 23 + 18 together when the question is 27 + 15. |
| 5 | Do the first step together | “Let's underline the important numbers, then you take over.” |
| 6 | Tell the teacher | Write a short note explaining where they got stuck. |
Questions that keep them thinking
- “What is the question actually asking?”
- “What have you tried so far?”
- “Can you show me with a drawing or some objects?”
- “Is there a pattern?”
- “Does your answer make sense? How could you check?”
- “What would you do if this were a smaller number?”
Then wait. Silence feels long, but giving your child ten seconds to think is often all it takes.
Subject-by-subject tips
- Maths: ask your child to estimate before they calculate, and to check an answer using the opposite operation. Encourage drawings: a bar, a number line or groups of dots. Ask how the teacher showed the method before you explain yours, because a different method can confuse things. The worked examples in their book are usually the best guide.
- Reading: let your child do the reading, and resist correcting every slip. If they stop at a word, try “What sound does it start with?” before telling them. Afterwards, ask one or two questions about what happened.
- Spelling: test them rather than spelling words for them. If they get one wrong, ask them to find the tricky part before you point it out. Our Spelling Bee game is a neutral way to test without you being the judge.
- Writing: talk through ideas first, with questions like “What happened next?” or “How did that feel?” For younger children, you can jot down a few key words as a plan, but the sentences should be theirs. Ask them to read their work aloud to spot their own mistakes.
- Projects: help with planning by breaking the task into steps and putting dates on a calendar. Supply materials and admire progress, but let your child do the making, even if it looks less polished than you'd like. Teachers can always tell.
When the answer is wrong
If you spot a mistake, you have a few options. You can say “Have another look at number 4” without saying what's wrong. You can ask them to talk you through it. Or, if they've tried and are tired, you can leave it. A wrong answer is useful information for the teacher. What matters is that the work is your child's own.
When your child is truly stuck
If you've climbed the hint ladder and they still can't do it, stop. Pushing on usually leads to tears on both sides. Take a short break, try one more time, and if it's still not working, write a brief note: “Sam worked on this for 15 minutes but wasn't sure how to start question 3.” Teachers would much rather know.
Step back as they grow
| Age | Your role |
|---|---|
| 5–7 | Sit alongside, read instructions together, keep sessions short |
| 8–9 | Get them started, stay nearby, check in at the end |
| 10–12 | Help plan the week, be available for questions, review if asked |
Look after your own patience
Homework can test any parent. If you feel frustration rising, take a break. It's fine to say “I'm not sure. Let's look at the example together” or “Let's ask your teacher.” Showing your child how to handle not knowing is a valuable lesson in itself. For setting up the time and place for homework, see our guide on building a homework routine.
Frequently asked questions
How much should parents help with homework?
Help your child understand the task and get started, ask guiding questions and be nearby, but let them do the thinking and the writing. If they are completely stuck, tell the teacher rather than doing it for them.
Should I correct mistakes in my child’s homework?
You can ask them to look again at a question, but it is fine to leave mistakes. Wrong answers show the teacher what needs reteaching.
What do I do if I don’t understand my child’s homework?
Look at the examples in their book or notes together, ask how the teacher explained it, and if you are both still unsure, send a short note to the teacher.